Need some kind of a change in your life? Do you have a pesky behaviour pattern in yourself that seems immune to change? You have tried scheduling this new desired behaviour into your calendar and it sticks for a few days but then you shift back into old patterns? Indeed, you are likely extremely motivated to change and achieve particular self-selected goals.
Regarding motivation, your chosen change likely lines up with one of your personal drivers for change such as the drive to acquire money, prestige or position. Maybe your driver for change is the desire to connect and bond with others. Maybe it is to defend your personal position or property. Finally, you may recognize the need for growth and personal development and are driven by your desire to learn and grow your own skills and capacities. You might be highly motivated to change and can even list off all the benefits this new habit or behaviour pattern would reap. Sure, we can try "pairing" a new desired behaviour with one of our already well established habits. And this can work for establishing new behaviours some of the time. (See Gretchen Rueben's video for more detail.) Other times, however, just being motivated to change and having a simple strategy to help prompt the new behaviour is simply not enough. Visioning the change we want, which is a great place to start, but it might also be too simplistic a technique for the kind of change we both want and need. A profound change in the magnitude of a paradigm shift is sometime what's required. This is especially so when it seems to be the "man in the mirror" who is blocking progress towards our goals.
What can a person do if we suspect that we ourselves are the biggest obstacle to reaching our own change goals? This surprising obstacle can often come in the form of limiting self-concept, belief or attitude that we are completely unaware that we hold. A trusted friend, or a personal coach can help create awareness through deep listening, intuition, open-ended questions and direct statements. The Johari Window, is a model in which people self-disclose and receive feedback from a trusted other in order to discover their blind spots and undiscovered self. When we discover beliefs, concepts, fears and attitudes that we hold about ourselves or others that we previously did not even realize we had, then it is possible examine them and even change them if we want. One could be holding contradictory beliefs or irrational fears and not even realize it!
Bottom line, we can become more self-aware! Awareness is what allows us to choose to think about our thinking and even decide to change our habits of mind. And when the thinking itself changes, then changes in our behaviour can occur as a natural outflow of this changed thinking pattern. Self-reflection is a great place to start, but enlisting a collaborator such as a coach can speed up the progress of changing the habits of mind in the person looking back at you in the mirror.
Just think of what you could be capable of if you were not standing in your own way! Call me if you are interested in a strategy session regarding setting and reaching your personal and professional development goals: 250-667-1752.